you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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