Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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