She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
