So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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