How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
