See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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