She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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