Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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