You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
