Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
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I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
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You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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