I will die if light touches me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
