they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
