He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
