What a fucking waste of an outfit
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
