you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I have post one night stand depression
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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