She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
