Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
should my penis look like a turkey
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
