My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
