im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You can't just leave with hair like that
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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