I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I party with great urgency now.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
