why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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