you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
