i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
