every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
