apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
