You're my little dorito
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
