I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
