I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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