I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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