I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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