dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Randomize
