fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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