Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
