Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
