Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
