It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
