Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
