I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
