i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
