they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
