it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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