he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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