just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Life without a bra equals bliss.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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