you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
