make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
