didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
