Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
