i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
