Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
