part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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