well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
