that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The adults are the big ones right?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
