Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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