Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Couch. On fire.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
