Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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