Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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