sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
