Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
