sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
