First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
