I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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