Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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