im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
be right there i have to get my cape
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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