Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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