Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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