In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
