there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
