just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
