I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
