We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
