Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
