So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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