I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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