My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize