Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
