no, he came in my armpit
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Girls should come with a carfax report
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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